I woke up today at 0545 and took my dog for a walk.  I came home and didn’t immediately crawl back into bed.  IT’S A MIRACLE!  My mind is completely jumbled today; abstract thoughts racing around looking for a place to land.  ugh!

Okay, I’m down to my last Coke.  Shit is getting real.  I’ve been a faithful Coke drinker since I was 14.  I stuck by them through the New Coke era.  Those were dark, dark days.  I can’t explain the addiction; fizzy, sweet goodness that makes me happy on the inside.  I literally smile when I crack open an ice cold Coke. Aaahhhhhh. Point being…I’m no quitter and will have to run to the store if I’m to survive another day.

Random Thought #1:  I think it’s important to note that I showered, shaved and tweezed today.  That’s how much energy I have.  WHAT?!?  Ironically, yesterday I was ready to jump off my balcony.  (It’s only one story, so realistically and with my luck, I would get a grotesque gash somewhere on the money maker (face, in case you were confused) and end up with a slight limp and a HUGE medical bill.  Today I’m filled with… Hope? Too strong.  Happiness? Not quite there yet…  Maybe it’s just the opposite of dread and anxiety.  Is there a word for that? Hope-like? Quasi-hopeful? Hopemental?

It seems odd that I would be feeling happier today as it is the third anniversary of my BFF’s passing.  I miss her.  Especially when I get depressed.  She understood what it was like.  Even through all of the trials she faced, and believe me, life handed her a shit-fest, she was still the most positive, upbeat person.  I miss laughing with her.  There are still days when I think, “Oh!  I need to call April and tell her…”

Random Thought #2:  My dog is a pervert.  Honestly.  I am also pretty sure he was a man in a previous life as he is obsessed with my T&A.  When I’m laying down he usually has a paw (or two) on the girls or his face is smooshed between them.  When I’m doing dishes or brushing my teeth, he jumps up and puts a paw on each cheek.  OH!  And every time I take a shower, he stares at me through the glass door.  Not sure what that is about. But it makes me a little uncomfortable. ha.

His name was Sugartits when I adopted him.  So that might actually be the answer to the nature versus nurture question.  He was destined to be a pervy dog because those dear sweet people named him something so…endearing.  His name is Archie now.  He’s kind of an asshole but that would be my fault, not his.  When we are alone he is the sweetest dog.  Put him on a leash and suddenly he is 27-pounds of raging fury.  GRR.  Moof.  Yurp. He makes this sounds, unlike anything I’ve ever heard before.  People stare because it sounds like I’m beating him with a stick.  I’m not!  He just howl-yelp-barks when he’s excited and isn’t getting his way.  He’s actually a very vocal dog.  He “talks” to me if I’m ignoring him, especially when I’m on the phone or the computer.

Random Thought #3:  I recently started watching “Chuck” on Netflix.  I love this show!  I never watched it when it was actually on TV.  Now I have a big ol’ cougar crush on Zachary Levi.  Who wouldn’t?  His character is the sweet, gentle, caring, bad ass we all yearn for. Plus in real life he is tall, has an awesome and ever present smile, and rides a motorcycle, as everyone should.  (I might be biased on that point though since I am a Harley girl; with my own license thankyouverymuch.  Sadly I am currently sans Harley though.  VERY SAD!)

I digress, “Chuck” – I honestly think this show is helping me get out of my funk.  Either that, or the meds are finally kicking in.  🙂  Maybe it’s just Zachary Levi and his understated hotness. ha.

Random Thoughts #4-7:   Speaking of hotness, I’m getting a haircut today.  I’m trying to grow out the pixie.  Good times.  Half of my hair is curling up (picture horns on the back of my head).  It’s hard to be this sexy.  Have you ever noticed that if you go in for a cut and you’re feeling meh…the haircut sucks?  But if you go in feeling all sassy…the haircut is kick ass.  Guess I will need to put some mascara on today and shoot for a little sass.

So I was discussing asthma inhalers (because all the cool kids have one!) and anti-depressants with a friend. And we came up with the idea for Wellbuterol: Inhale Happiness.  Pharma-humor, people!  See? That is something that I could have told April and she would have laughed, as corny as it is.  She got me.  We nerded out together.  It was awesome.

It’s funny that it is raining and thundering today.  It was doing that the day April passed and last year’s anniversary too.  The day she passed we joked that she was finally able to run again and it was a lighter, memorable moment in between the gnawing sadness and cosmic chasm of loss, allowing us to celebrate for her, her release from the body that had kept her trapped for so long.  ILY mucho, Apey.

I know today’s post is just random gibberish.  Inane chatter about nothing.  But I’m writing again and that’s the point of this whole venture.  I’ve been told I should write since Freshman comp (which we’ll round down and say was two decades ago).  April always told me to write too…because I cracked her up.  Everyone needs someone in their life that is a cheerleader, a believer and a friend.