I’m in therapy again.  Again again.  This time I’m in ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy).  It’s an evidence based therapy that works well with depression and anxiety.  A lot of mindfulness stuff and a lot of acceptance of life as it is.  It isn’t really embracing the depression, as I first thought, it is more about co-existing with the feelings.  Thoughts are just thoughts.  It’s okay to have them.  But it doesn’t have to define who you are.

Twelve weeks ago, my prevalent thought was “you suck at life.”  It’s hard to believe that I didn’t find that more motivational, right? ha.  Only very recently did I realize that I put my life on hold.  I told myself that I would be happy when I figured out x.  I would start living my life when y was resolved.  I would be able to move on when I found the root cause of z.

Moving forward isn’t about figuring everything out, it’s about moving forward in spite of x, y, and z.  Suffering is universal and unending but that isn’t (or rather, shouldn’t be) a road block.  It’s just part of the journey.  That is part of my mission this year; working toward goals even though I really don’t have my shit together.  It really feels good to work toward a goal.  It’s empowering.

I can do this.  You can too.  Start small.  Pick a little goal that you want to meet this week.  Write it down.  Keep it close by.  Every day, work on it a little.  Today I will fold my clean socks.  Tomorrow I will put away my clean t-shirts.  By the end of the week, I might have all of my clean laundry folded and put away.

Even if I only do one small thing today, it’s more than I did yesterday and it is a stepping stone for tomorrow.  Remember, it is okay to be a mess, because really, on some level, everyone is a mess.  Some folks are just better at hiding it.